A university professor attempting to demonstrate cultural fluency to Gen Z students became trapped in an increasingly complex pronoun sequence Tuesday, eventually referring to himself as “they, we, one, and, in a very real sense, all of us.”
Witnesses said the incident began when the professor introduced himself by announcing that he was “deeply committed to inclusive language” before adding, “My pronouns are he/him, although I’m absolutely open to they in solidar—actually, perhaps we should avoid centering me.”
The situation deteriorated rapidly.
“When I say he, I mean me, obviously,” the professor explained. “But if they feels more comfortable, I am happy for him—meaning me—to be them. Though not in an appropriative way.”
Students reportedly remained silent.
“He kept looking at us like we were supposed to be impressed,” said sophomore Maya Chen. “Honestly, we just wanted him to explain the midterm.”
By minute 23, the professor had begun referring to a nineteenth-century male philosopher as “they,” a female student as “he—sorry, she—sorry, they if preferred,” and the department chair as “that person, whose pronouns I would never presume.”
At this point, an unusually old-fashioned student in the back row cautiously raised his hand.
“Professor,” he said, “if you’re a man, and you don’t mind me asking, could we perhaps just call you ‘he’?”
Witnesses described a long silence.
“I mean, yes,” the professor eventually replied. “Technically. Though I’d want to problematize the assumptions built into ‘just.’”
The student nodded, wrote HE at the top of his notebook, and appeared visibly relieved.
The seminar ended shortly afterwards when the professor attempted to say, “I think I have made myself clear,” but stopped after “I” to reconsider the epistemological violence of the first-person singular.